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    7 Guilt-Free Ways To Organize Your Home... (That Martha & Oprah Won't Tell You)

    By Danny Alias

    We all have them: Household projects that never seem to get done no matter how hard we procrastinate with our future selves-- The curse of the disorganized life.

    While wishing them away has proven ineffective and your own magical powers are sorely limited to dodging work (at work), it's time to face the sound of one hand not cleaning.

    Barring any job that a contractor, a skilled craftsman or an alien (illegal or from other galaxies) can perform, the onus remains on you. If you think Angie's List is a registry for sex offenders or missing children (or both), you need to cut back on your internet addiction to misinformation.

    There are thousands of qualified people out there looking to work-- Unfortunately, you just aren't one of them.

    Click to read more ...



    BAM! Chicago’s Antique Department Store drastically discounts the very best in Vintage Jewelry, Fashions, Furniture & Decorative Objects. Mission, Art Deco, Mid Century Modern thru 70’s..

    Friday, May 16th thru May 26th, only...

    15% to 50% Off Storewide. 6130 N. Broadway Open Daily, 11-7; Sun. 11-6. 773-743-5444.

    New website:

    And did someone say BAM hosts an interactive Google Virtual Tour?


    Click to read more ...


    Spring Has Sprung? New York Real Estate Replaces Sex, Nude Dancers Shed Clothes @ Closings 

    Nothing quite says Spring like a dirty article on Sex and Real Estate.

    After a tortuous Winter we are long overdue for a rebirth—And if not a rebirth, then what comes before birth. Yup… Doing the nasty!

    Now perhaps when you think “sexy” Mitzi Gaynor doesn’t jump to mind, but back in 1954 she was quite the bombshell. And you can just imagine how HOT she was here on the cover of “Focus” magazine BEFORE my new kittens chewed up this copy. (No, those are not my teeth marks! I’m blaming kittens and sticking to this story…)

    Though many young people today think they invented sex, in fact sex was actually perfected in the 1950’s while it was still dirty, just as God intended.

    As you can see in the photos that follow, sex in real life was always in black and white… monotones being much filthier, especially if you kept your socks on. Also, screaming out “Nikita Khrushchev” at the point of orgasm was considered erotic in various bohemian neighborhoods, so long as you didn’t knock off someone’s beret.

    I have much more to tell you, but perhaps I should just let this money shot do the talking… so to speak.

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    Piscean Floats In River of Unselfish Delusion, Sinks Under Waves of Melancholy & Gloom

    But enough about positive spin-- Go sell disappointed somewhere else. Fish Bitch...

    Guppy Up! 2014 will be the same as all the preceding years—

    With the same exceptional glimmers of hope that appear every-so-oddly, then disappear like the un-ringing of a phone.

    Hello? Was someone ever really there?

    Am I not beloved enough to wiretap?

    Yet this is the year to flick away the prejudicial pricks of others…

    And what was your old nickname again?

    “Footprint Face…”

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    20th Annual World's Fair Memorabilia Show Shocks 21st Century - Sunday, March 30th, 2014

    Rick Rann has been producing this very special show for some 20 years now. It may be small and a bit of niche market, but if you like history, Art Deco design or simply want a crash course in World’s Fair memorabilia, you have to attend this once-a-year event. It's the closest thing to a time capsule you'll ever find.

    Will there be World’s Fair Exhibitions in our future? Doubtful. The world and it’s many cultures are now so interconnected via the web and modern media, the concept itself seems virtually antique. World’s Fair Exhibitions such as this one are scarcer than a feather from Sally Rand’s fan dance.

    If Rick didn’t produce this, I’m not sure there is anyone as qualified or as motivated. In a fashion, small shows like this will eventually pass, just as their World's Fair counterparts have become a part of history.

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    The Loss of Genius: How Philip Seymour Hoffman Made Truman Capote Even More Famous

    The death of Truman Capote in 1984 surprised no one. The little man seemed to have been slowly dying for years. When the end finally came it was not a shock so much as a collective relief. A long-time addiction to booze and prescription pills had taken its toll on a life lived, perhaps, too well. He didn't intentionally O.D. Or probably didn't. But like Hoffman the details here are murky.

    Capote's death would join a pantheon of writers who found solace, if not a sizable part of their creativity, in the emptying of a bottle.

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    Every year we close out the season (plus the dust bunnies in our heads) with the creation of a vintage trends and predictions blog. It has become a readers’ favorite because we’re not afraid to name names and blame others. It’s a New Year’s tradition we encourage others to follow, just not too closely. Objects like Liberace's Candelabra (last year's spot-on prediction) can appear larger in history's rear view mirror. And nothing triggers a migraine faster than the glare of a diamond encrusted Bentley being towed away from a palimony suit. Lee!!!!!

    So this is the pattern: We often start at a coffee house in Hyde Park (Sally’s domain) or Edgewater (Danny’s domain) and begin arguing, often about non-dairy substitutes or who has the better catatonic assistant. By lunch we’re usually at one of our mutual abodes and loathing one another with great expertise. By dinner we’re often at a bar, then shortly thereafter, underneath it. It’s a welcome holiday routine for over-tipped bartenders and attentive paramedics across the city.

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    Yes, these are The Duck Dynasty Boyz in their preppy, pre-ZZ Top Days-- just in case you thought there was a hair of reality behind the hirsuteness of it all.

    Now you’d have to be living under a Louisiana rock not to know the backstory to this backwoods melodrama. However, in a squirrel’s nutshell:

    A&E’s #1 show, a $500 million dollar gusher, just drilled into America’s raw nerve. The show's star and family patriarch, Phil Robertson, has been given a platform to inarticulately espouse his homophobic, racist and erroneously religious views… and dagnabit he is using it.

    What were network honchos thinking? Didn’t any of them ever see “Deliverance?”

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    It's that time of year again: Holiday Outrage. Why it seems like only yesterday we stopped the left-wing's war on Christmas. Oh, sorry. That was Afghanistan. I get the two confused ever since we invaded the wrong country due to a faulty traffic signal in the White House named Dick Cheney. Lucky we had the batteries replaced on that smokescreen dictator- I mean, detector.

    "Let it Snowden… Let it Snowden… Let it Snowden…."

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    Masculine Sagittarius Speaks Bluntly, Carries A Big Schtick 

    Famous Sagittarians include Winston Churchill, Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen and Jake Gyllenhaal... But before you invade Germany (again), cast your wife in a movie, marry your stepdaughter or plan a camping trip... you should really think it all through.

    Your best feature, that inevitable streak of honesty, will always get you in trouble. Most of the time you just can't hold your tongue... or even let someone else hold it for you.

    Yes, it's a gift.

    Since you can't leave anything left unsaid, perhaps you should work on becoming a better listener. If nothing else, it will fill the time where you'd otherwise be putting your foot in your mouth.

    Not that it isn't a thoughtful foot, but we just don't need to hear from you in pairs.

    Hence the term, Fallen Archer.

    Click to read more ...



    What are we to make of the Supreme Court kerfuffle of Hobby Lobby vs. Your Uterus, et al.?

    Should your employer be able to decide and/or influence your reproductive rights? When does an IUD become an IOU? Better still: Do you own the rights to you? Not sure? Better check your gender.

    Recent years have been unkind to vaginas and points northward. Forced ultrasounds and unwelcoming probes are the law of the land/wandering hand in many states. Perhaps soon coming to an opening near you.

    Even liberal Madison, Wisconsin now lives under the duress of this physical imposition to personhood. Not the male sex personhood, of course. Lately the penis seems to be winning in the affairs of the Cialis motivated heart.

    Holly Hobbie is not party to this lawsuit, but she is alive, well and selling briskly on the store shelves of Hobby Lobby. Her virtues and rights, like that of all women, may be questioned by a puzzled Supreme Court, but her fate is far from irrelevant to the tale being told.

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    Perhaps it began when a lonely man carved his message to the world on a cave wall. The first faceless Facebook post. The first Tweet. Or Vine sans the video. Six seconds (and degrees) of abbreviated commentary.

    At Chicago’s Broadway Antique Market, a specialty store for mid century modern collectors, the comments have evolved into something, well… rather unique.

    “We get dozens of bizarre requests every week” says Store Manager and graphic designer, Eric Swanger. “Its just part of the business. But then someone comes in and says something truly disturbing.”

    Seeing a trend, the employees of this large vintage coop started to compare notes and an in-store contest was born: The Oddest Customer Request of the Week. The winning weird comment was rewarded with coffee from a nearby brew house.

    Swanger laughs: “Let’s just say we drank a lot of coffee assembling this list. A lot!”

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    Anna Nicole, The Opera: Art Reflects This Surreal Life

    Whether the Producers were just testing the waters or this was an intentional "one hit wonder" Anna Nicole, the Opera closed last evening at Brooklyn's Academy of Music (BAM.) Yes, Anna (and her big tits) have left the building… sideways.

    I don't mean to be vulgar, but it was hard for this show not to be-- hard being the secondary operative word. From the very first scene set in Anna's hometown of Mexia, Texas, four letter (see obscene) words are front and center, not to mention graphically reproduced above the stage in case you need to see how "c*nt" is spelled. I'm no prude, but my $200 seat was mildly surprised. Given that this is an English-sung opera the obscenities are routinely repeated not just for honesty or shock value, but occasionally for the rhythm and rhyme of it all.

    This is the great American trash to treasures story. Anna Nicole, delicately played by Sarah Joy Miller, came from trash. In this, she was herself most honest. But for poor Anna trapped in the real world of Walmart and trailer homes, the only way up… was out. Of town, that is.

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    President Ted Cruz? The Rise of Charlie McCarthyism...

    CRUZ: I want to thank you for inviting me to share my paranoid concerns for the future of America. You know, Charlie, you can't spell Paranoid without using the first two letters of the word Patriot.

    McCARTHY: P.A.? Should people in Pennsylvania and the Tri-State Area be concerned?

    CRUZ: No. Well, yes, perhaps. I've been very clear about this. I'd need a population count of Pennslyvania to give you an accurate number of the potentially paranoid.

    McCARTHY: What is your position with the newly Decaffeinated Tea Party?

    CRUZ: You mean the Karl Rove/Newt Gingrich/Sheldon Adelson/Donald Trump/Marco Rubio/Sarah Palin/Fozzy Bear/Log Cabin E-Pac?

    McCARTHY: No, I'm sorry. That's one down and we say hello to Arlene Francis...

    Click to read more ...


    Preston Tucker Torpedoes DeLorean's "Back To The Future" Fantasy of Tesla Motor's Model S Electric Car 

    History does tend to repeat itself and often in the strangest ways. Like a revival of a classic play, the actors change but the story remains significantly the same.

    At this very moment TESLA MOTORS is trying to break into the U.S. auto business with a spectacularly lauded electric vehicle, yet this is a road well traveled with nary a rest stop in view.

    Preston Tucker first burst upon the American automotive scene in 1948 with his spectacular Tucker 48 Torpedo. Immortalized in Francis Ford Coppola's bio pic "Tucker: The Man & His Dreams" the film documents the challenges faced by this forward thinking futurist.

    As the story goes, Detroit was out to sink this Torpedo from the very start. Whether or not Tucker was a visionary or a scam artist we may never know, but for a very brief time the world saw a glimpse of what "could be."

    Only 51 Torpedoes were built, yet many of the standard options now found in today's automobiles were first utilized in Preston Tucker's car of the future, notably rear-mounted engines and numerous safety features.

    Click to read more ...


    BAM's "Mystery Solved" Summer Sale, June 14th - 30th, 2013

    Broadway Antique Market (BAM!) has only two major sales a year. While other stores have near-constant quasi-sales, BAM believes in serious sales... and serious savings for you!

    This is our way of solving the "Mystery" in buying vintage.

    The last two weeks of June, 2013, BAM will be offering top quality antiques & vintage items... from our finest furnishings to our spectacular jewelry... all broadly discounted during this 17 day event.

    BAM’s “Mystery Solved” Summer Sale starts Friday, June 14th @ Broadway Antique Market, 6130 N. Broadway, Chicago.

    20-50% Off Storewide. 75 Top Dealers. Mission, Art Deco, Mid Century Modern, 60’s, 70’s.

    Winner, “Best Vintage Furniture/Antique Store”- Chicago Reader, New City, TimeOut, RedEye, Geo & Mondadori Int’l Travel Guide, etc.

    773-743-5444 for more info.

    Sale must end Sunday, June 30th, 2013.

    Click to read more ...



    A recent “essay” in the New York Times has created a media frenzy not seen since serial killer Andrew Cunanan passed through Chitown, Versace-bound. The title of the article is "Chicago Manuals" but its the city that gets the shifted stick.

    Author Rachel Shteir weaves her off-kilter criticism of three exciting and long awaited Chicago-themed books with her own heavy-handed 3-way review. It's rather a wallop of a laundry list of what’s wrong with Chicago.

    Shtier is a theatre professor at DePaul University, a 13 year resident of Chicago and a transplant from St. Elsewhere. She wrote a well received book on the history of strippers--(Did Chicago at least get a pastie shout out?)-- and is now about to publish a book on the history of shoplifting.

    No, you can’t make stuff like this up. You could, but then it wouldn’t be as wacky. Or as fictionally non-fictional.

    For those unfamiliar with her piece you need only to look it up online, read the various media responses, listen to the outrage on NPR or watch NBC’s Carol Marin Go Oh-So-Politically Ape Shit. And we're not talking Bushman here, though we’re all probably somehow responsible for his early primate death from eating a bad Mars Bar. (Another suspicious, Chicago-made product that should be looked into...)

    From ex-Mayor Daley selling us down the parking meter river… a point all Chicagoans agree upon… to our crooked politicians (what city/state doesn’t have those by the subpoena-full?)… to Chicago’s weird global warming inspired weather… there is little Shteir doesn’t have a beef about.

    All beef hot dogs? A Chicago institution? Has anyone seriously looked into these Vienna people?

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    "Wake Up, Ambien... It's Time To Get Adopted !!!"

    "4 Out of 5 Cat Nurses Agree"... The Cutest Cat & Craziest Kitten Adoption Event Ever... Is this Sunday, April 7th, 12-4pm @ BAM: 6130 N. Broadway in Chicago's Edgewater neighborhood.

    Loving Cats and Adorable Kittens await “Furrever" homes at this special vintage rescue event.

    Hosted by Broadway Antique Market in conjunction with Precious Pets/Almost Home Assn., a 501©3 Non-Profit, all-volunteer organization.

    "It's a Meowst!"

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    Stubborn ARIES Rams Like An Impatient Spendthrift-- Astro Predictions, 2013


    BAM On The Road: Sin, Sin, Cincinnati Show On Sale, 2/23-24

    It's that time of year again... where are our friends in Cincinnati visit BAM on the run... I mean, road.

    This vintage powerhouse of mid century wonderment has been entertaining the locals for years. It's our chance to give Cincy a taste of Chicago that doesn't involve corndogs. (Well, maybe bakelite corn holders... :)

    See prior blog for show info. Click for more photos...

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