WINTER THUNDERLAND

I can't say it better than Danny but I'll try: I'd take an electric chainsaw and mutilate Winter if I could, but first I'd disembowel Winter and pull him through the town square so people can point and laugh while Winter suffers unendurable excruciating pain. As I crawl out of my car on the passenger side because I'm trapped by a six foot snow drift on the driver's side, I recall Earthquake's sensational joke in the new movie Phunny Business: A Black Comedy..."I'm hiding from the cold like it's the Po-lice." My doggie Puddin' is boycotting Old Man Winter too in favor of Petco pee pee pads. From salt stains on the floor to twelve pairs of socks to fossilized fecal treasures it's gotten personal. Yo Winter! You're a big bully!! Kiss my ass and then YOU best hide because I don't forget and I don't forgive, I am one pissed off, pale, frigid bitch with an ax to grind you into a dirty, salty puddle.