In a bizzare act of revenge, millions of Americans picked up their shovels today and killed WINTER.
After enduring seemingly endless months of the cold, a mob mentality took to the streets and, to be honest, just beat the sh*t out of WINTER. Sorry. No other way to say it.
Unable to control the massacre, local police joined in the revolt and arrested what was left of WINTER. Though denying "seasonal profiling," authorities believe the whereabouts of WINTER were known by most of the Western Hemisphere.
After days of stutteringly cold questioning, WINTER broke down and dribbled out some sorry-ass confession like your boozie brother-in-law. (What a jerk!)
Enormous puddles of bitterness and frozen regret would challenge plumbing for months to come.
"There's a hell of a lotta water headed our way!" warned an Unnamed Season.
SPRING, who seemed to see this coming said: "WINTER Melted Like A Cheap Cheese Sandwich on a Hot SUMMER's Night."
"Wasn't that an old Marvin Gaye song?" noted FALL, shocked at the passing of the Season.
In Chicago, thousands of would-be Bahama-Rama-Emanuel supporters cornered & clobbered WINTER in neighborhoods of every race, ethnicity and disappointed demographic.
And still only four seasons to choose from.
Yet WINTER white was not to be the supremacy color of the season (which, ironically, Tim Gunn had predicted only weeks before.)
Poor, poor WINTER: Outed & Outdated = Ouch.
WINTER's common-law wife, FRIGID is shown here supporting a clearly shaken WINTER. Moments after this candid photo was taken, FRIGID was seen forcing WINTER into a private Town Car that had no air conditioning.
Copyright WDMS 2011